So here's the deal...Start with 100% and minus 1% for everything that you've done. Then repost as your __% virgin. If you don't repost this you will be cursed and die a virgin!!! (Sucker). If you feel brave, then mark the ones you've done (or the ones I haven't done in my case, it's easier...)
Again, I marked the ones I HAVEN’T done or been or had done. :P
1. Smoked *

2. Drank alcohol

3. Cried when someone died

4. Been drunk

5. Had sex

6. Been to a concert

7. Given a handjob/gotten a handjob

8. Given a EATIN PUSSY /GOT ATE

9. Been verbally/sexually harassed

10. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody (jokingly)

11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up

12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose

13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before

14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend

15. Been to homecoming *

16. Cried at school

17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store

18. Went streaking

19. Given or received a lap dance *

20. Had someone of the same sex in your room

21.Had someone of the same sex sleep over

22. Slept over at someone of the same sex's house

23. Kissed a stranger *

24. Hugged a stranger

25. Went scuba diving *

26. Driven a car

27. Gotten an x-ray

28. Hit by a car (foot ran over)

29. Had a party

30. Done drugs *

31. Played strip poker

32. Got paid to strip for someone *

33. Ran away from home

34. Broken a bone

35. Eaten sushi

36. Bought porn

37. Watched porn

38. Made porn

39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex

40. Been in love

41. French kissed

42. Laughed so hard you cried

43. Cried yourself to sleep

44. Laughed yourself to sleep *

45. Stabbed yourself * (not on purpose!)

46. Shot a gun *

47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day

48. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours *

49. Been online for 9 consecutive hours

50. Watched an animal die

51. Watched a person die *

52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present

53. Pranked somebody

54. Put somebody in the hospital *

55. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out

56. Kissed somebody of the same sex

57. Dressed punk *

58. Dressed goth

59. Dressed preppy

60. Been to a motocross race *

61. Avoided somebody

62. Been stalked

63. Stalked someone * (well, um, not quite, at least)

64. Met a celebrity

65. Played an instrument

66. Ridden a horse

67. Cut yourself * (not on purpose)

68. Bungee jumped *

69. Ding dong ditched somebody

70. Been to a wild party

71. Got caught stealing something

72. Kicked a guy in the balls * (not on purpose!)

73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend *

74. Went out with your friend's crush * (not as far as I know)

75. Got arrested *

76. Been pregnant

77. Babysat

78. Been to another country * (not other than Canada)

79. Started your house on fire *

80. Had an encounter with a ghost * (maybe)

81. Donated your hair to cancer patients

82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by *

83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex

84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3 months

85. Sat on your butt all day

86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself

87. Had a job

88. Gotten cut from a sports team *

89. Been called a whore

90. Danced like a whore *

91. Been mistaken for a celebrity *

92. Been in a car accident

93. Been told you have beautiful eyes

94. Been told you have beautiful hair

95. Raped somebody *

96. Danced in the rain

97. Been raped

98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying (accident!)

99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face

100. Kissed someone on the lips

I am a fucking idiot.

I am dealing with too much right now. It feels like the world is moving in a different direction than me. I need some kind of a break--not the traditional sort, or a vacation-but the sort of break like the sun through the clouds post-storm. I feel completely overwhelmed, boiling over with stress. I am being crushed underneath a pile of bricks...the pile has been forming for my whole life, built over me brick by brick until I no longer remember how to live life without my heavy burdens. I am practiced at self-guilt, strong in denial... I get the feeling every once in a while that everything is leading up to some awful catasrophe. I cannot have what I want, barely want what I have, and do not know how to deal with being in a place I hate. Motivation, aspiration, and excitement have been squeezed from me over years of not being wanted, loved, or cared for by those I need it from the most. I feel like I ruin everything, trash my own life with poor decisions, and worsen others' with my issues. I don't feel like I am worth anything--sometimes I wonder if I will ever trust anyone to love me. I feel like I'm every man's jumping-off point--after me, they find "the one," and I am left realizing I was part of their preparation for that person. The one who's better at everything than me--the sexier, funnier, sweeter Maribeth 2.0 with a new label and a shiny new outlook. With Josh, this feeling is even worse: Not only do I feel like he's waiting for me to leave so he can get an upgrade, I feel like he prefers his exes over me, too. So I'm not even good enough for him to be his stepping-off point. I'm just an error in judgment he made one time in his early twenties, someone he was glad to be rid of--like shedding off an oppressive, authoritative parent.

Sometimes I fantasize about that one person out there who has already had their almost-good-enough love, a love where something was not quite right, yet they came out of it more prepared for their REAL love. They're looking for something better, more amazing. The person who meets me and cannot help but blush and grin sheepishly because there's something about *me* that tickles their very core. And every time that they look back at their past, they realize that the person they had hoped for, wished their ex had been all along--was actually this woman, standing before them. As they turn in for the night, pulling their pillow closer in the absence of another person, they smile, remembering *my* eyes, my touch, my laughter, and my passion for life. Their eyes twinkle as they remember how I stubbornly held onto my opinion during a discussion, how I tried to hide my pout when I realized they had a point. And then they fall asleep, my name ringing in their ears, the thought of my embrace bringing them quiet, peaceful slumber.

Alas. I feel hated instead, and I feel a keen sense of dread each time I open my mouth to speak.

I started my new job on Tuesday. It's data entry, so fairly repetitive, but it's something... I'm glad I got the job. On my lunch breaks, I take 20+ minute walks and I try to get up a few times throughout the day so that my whole entire day isn't spent sitting in front of the computer. I've been sick the last few days, losing my voice and a lot of stomach problems, so I skipped going to the gym yesterday. I'll still go Friday. And I'm still getting about an hour and a half of cardio a day, which is something.

For a few days, my weight was stagnant. This morning, I stepped on the scale and misread it a few times before I realized I'd lost .8 more pounds. That leaves me at a total of 16.6 pounds lost. My BMI is down to 29.8, and I'm 37% of the way to 45 total pounds lost. It's pretty exciting. One of these days I'm going to step on the scale and actually be a healthy weight.

Anyone who doesn't pay attention to myspace or Facebook doesn't know I got two awesome hats. I got two awesome newsboy hats! And they were only <8 dollars each. Woot.

For reference:
BMI Categories
Underweight = <18.5
Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
Overweight = 25-29.9
Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater.

So, I got a job. 10/hr, which isn't the best, but it's a start. I had to take a "pre-employment screening" test... um... I had to pee in a cup. It's the first time I've ever needed to do that for an employer. Even though I don't/never will do drugs, I kept getting goofy thoughts about it coming back positive for something anyway. Of course, it didn't -- nobody's sneaking drugs into my food... darnit! I start tomorrow, 8am (ugh).

My head is all over the place here... Current weight loss is totalling 15.8 pounds, got 29.2 to go. Lost a bit over the weekend, so that's good. I'm staying on track. Just hope that when I'm working 8am to 5pm I can manage to slip time in for exercise before/during/after work. I'll make sure that I do.

Yawn.

I'm excited. This morning I stepped on the scale and I realized I've lost 15.2 pounds since the start of this! That means I've hit the 30% mark, because I'm trying to lose 45 total pounds. I was having trouble with motivation yesterday, but now I'm like a hot locomotive!

Average Calories Eaten (Daily)
grams cals %total
Total: 1496
Fat: 43 385 27%
Sat: 14 123 9%
Poly: 5 41 3%
Mono: 8 71 5%
Carbs: 198 707 49%
Fiber: 21 0 0%
Protein: 87 348 24%
Alcohol: 0 0 0%

Average Calories Burned (Daily)
Total: 2926cals
Basal: 1606cals 55%
Lifestyle: 950cals 32%
Activities: 370cals 13%

Basal is BMR, my basic metabolic rate... which is burned no matter what I do. Just by being alive, you burn that much. It takes into consideration age, height and weight.

Lifestyle is just... "seated work, some movement"... it takes into account what you do when you're not exercising.

Finally, activities are what I actually do to lose weight.

Okay, now I feel way better. I've been measuring myself every other day... and in spite of gaining weight...

Change in inches (comparing measurements on 07/09/08 to today):

Bellybutton/Abs = -2.75
Waist (smallest part) = -2.25
Hips (largest part) = -1.75
Bust = -1.00 (hopefully -backfat!)
Chest (under breasts) = -1.625
Thighs (together) = -1.5
Calves (together) = -1.5 (wow, what? Mistake?)
Upper arms (together) = -.5
Forearms (together) = -.75
Neck = 0
Wrist 0

Today has been okay. Had to take a pee test. Got a job. But I'm so frazzled, it's ridiculous. I can't seem to relax. Gained a little weight, but I've been doing weight-lifting, so I have to hope that's mostly it. I have been active... still, I'm going to cut calories back a little, since 1800 is such a struggle anyway. I'll kick it back to 1400-1500, since that's where I end up if I don't try to get more than that.

I did some volunteer time at Akron's "Shop on Main," the library bookstore. It's awesome there, but now that I have a job, I'm not going to be able to volunteer there nearly as often. Anyway, here's some goofy pictures.

View ze Walking of Me

This and my time at the shop = 13,142 steps. I'm worn out!

So, I've lost a total of 14.6 pounds, almost a third of what I wanted to lose originally. I am so excited that I've been able to make it this far! I'm trying to put together a way to keep track of how I'm doing this, so that if anyone else needs to lose weight (without any pills, drinks or gimmicks) in a healthy manner, I'll know what to say.

For now, I have this: http://learnbyteaching.com/weightloss.html

Started at FitWorks today. 20 minutes on the treadmill, 3.0mph, 2% incline for 15 minutes of it, then slowed it down and brought down the incline. Then a while on the circuit trainers, weight lifting for various muscle groups. The personal trainer showed me how to use all of it, then he put me on this thing... the StairMaster... for about 6 minutes. I almost died. I was all red-faced and sweaty from that. Not my favorite machine. I'd rather do 30 minutes on an elliptical or treadmill than that thing!

He thought it was kinda funny -- course then he tells me when he started out on it, he was only doing 3 minutes at a time. He thought I was more advanced than he was when he first started... but I doubt it! :P

Man, going home this weekend and keeping up with my nutrition stuff and just getting enough exercise was kind of a struggle. First, I kept putting off recording what I ate... then I didn't get enough exercise because I was not where I'm used to being. Then I had my family around, and they act weird about how I eat. So I struggled with some internal battles with myself and simply decided to do what I knew I should anyway. Because of that, I lost about a pound over the whole weekend -- which is more than most people can say about their 4th of July weekend! :)

I'm glad I joined a gym, because it's kind of fun. I'll meet people there. Plus, they have a movie screen in one room with cardio equipment, so it'll keep me entertained. And I can listen to my Zune and work out. My biggest accomplishment will be in 2 pounds... I'll break out of the superfat category and be just plain fat. I'm very excited about that. Soon, I'll be able to say my weight without being ashamed!

Walking Stats for past 30 days:
Distance Stats
Total: 67.5 miles
Daily Average: 2.81 miles
Max: 6.24 miles
Min: 0.4 miles
Avg Weekly: 16.87 miles

I need to step that up to at least 20 miles a week.

Alf has been released! It was unrelated to Ingrid Betancourt, but FARC released Alf after his family paid ransom. The world feels just a bit more put together. I hope he's alright.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080703/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/colombia_hostages

Ugh. This tired me out. I think I got around 65 or 70 percent. Ouch.

http://www.eskimo.com/~miyaguch/schmies.html

I thought I should post something a little more cheery than that last post!

So I'm going to list all of the things I've done recently to lose (CORRECTION) 13.4 total pounds! YAY! (10.2 since I got a scale -- one of these days I'm going to have to decide between which to brag about!).

The first thing I started doing, other than eating differently (http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=bethimar) is to walk. As much as possible. When I started this, I couldn't get very far, maybe a few blocks, without being pretty miserable. Then, it got easier and easier, until a mile felt so easy I couldn't believe I ever had a problem with it. Now I go 2-3 miles like nothing, and I don't breathe heavily during regular walks. Now, I'm playing basketball, doing calisthenics, playing some darts and occasionally jump roping (it is insane how many calories jump roping burns!). Anyway, I think I'm going to go rollerskating this week sometime. Maybe on Friday. I hope, at least. I really think it'll test my newfound healthiness.

Today I went on a walk with my friend, Dennis. We walked from downtown Akron to a coffee shop about 2 miles from where we started, but we had to do some circling back, so it was probably closer to 3 total miles. We went and visited his childhood neighorhood on the way. Good conversation, good iced tea. Met a few people, saw some amusing things. You know, the works, in front of a local coffee shop.... you never know what you'll get. I didn't have much in the way of calories so far today, but I'm still planning on having a decent dinner. Sooo yeah.

Lately, I've had some emotional ups and downs as far as my social life goes. I found out from a friend that it is obvious to others how much I question what I say and do. It's been over 4 days since that conversation, and bits and pieces of it have stubbornly lodged themselves into my brain. It's painful. There were some other things said that also left me in somewhat stunned silence and have me feeling pretty damn shaky. I just want to be able to break through my barriers in the conventional ways... to expose myself to things outside of my comfort zone repeatedly, until it doesn't feel so uncomfortable. To introduce myself to total strangers and eventually not feel so weird about it. But now, knowing that others can see my internal struggle with confidence... I'm incredibly terrified to do any of that.

For now, I guess I should be satisfied with improving my health and slowly building confidence in ways related to that. However, I just... I feel inadequate. I remember the days when being social felt right, when being around others felt like what I should be doing. Sure, I was always standing wayyy back against a wall at school dances, but I was standing there with others, laughing about people's goofy moves. Or when I was being a loner, I had a couple of friends who'd run to me and be excited to see me. People to pull me out of my ruts. Now, it's up to me. And because of that, it's taken me 5-6 months to dig myself out of a deep, deep hole after the fall semester at UA. Because without those hands reaching down to me, I am more likely to just curl up in a ball and criticize myself for not being strong enough to pull myself out.

I still did it, though. Even if it took 6 months, I'm not in a rut today. I feel like a stronger person, and I know if I do get into another rut, I CAN pull myself out of it. It's a comforting fact to know that I don't just tell myself that I'm a tough woman... but that I actually really am one. I've been through a few things in my life that I wish I could have avoided, but these days I feel more and more like I can let those things go and push forward into building the life I want for myself. And boy do I want some things out of this life. Now I just need to know what to do with my leftover feelings about those things, the words that I spoke about them in the past and the way I deal with people now. I feel... like it's possible that I might benefit from those hands of friendship these days a lot more than I did in the past. Maybe it's because I'd truly appreciate the help... because I know what it feels like to not have it.

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Strike out the books you have no intention of ever reading,
5) Star the books that you began to read and did not finish.
6) Bold and Strike through the books you were forced to read at school and hated.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen *
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 The Harry Potter Series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte *
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell *
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy *
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams *
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky *
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell *
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown *
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen *
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez *
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac *
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville *
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce *
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle *
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas *
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo *

So, uh. The job interview went really well. It went so well, in fact, that I thought I had the job. Unfortunately, the casualness of the atmosphere had me letting my guard down, so after the interview I asked if someone could help me figure out which side of the street to catch the bus on. Apparently in Akron, riding the bus is considered a clue that you are unreliable. Growing up in Pittsburgh, I never really met anyone with that kind of attitude... and considering how much gas prices are these days, it seems like a pretty silly opinion to me. But... now I'm not so sure I have it in the bag.

Anyway. I'm trying not to focus on that until I know more. I would be a perfect fit for the job, but now I'm feeling... kind of soured on the whole experience. I'll get over it, and now I know not to mention transportation -- even in a casual, everyone's-wearing-jeans environment.

On the other hand, I've lost 7.8 pounds since I got a scale and 11 pounds since I was at my doctor's office and he told me that I should get down to my 'ideal weight.' I have decided that my 'ideal weight' is at the very least in the "Normal" weight category, so I set 145 as my first weight loss goal. This morning, I had to weigh myself three times to check what the scale said, because it's hard to believe I have come this far. Still a long way to go, though.

I need something to distract me from myself. Severely.

Job interview with JRB Attachments tomorrow. Wish me luck. I'm exhausted.

The first pic, I'm between 6.6 and 10 pounds heavier than in the second picture. The angles may affect it a bit... but my double chin is almost gone in any case. You can see it in my face shape either way.

Sorry about the quality of pic #2, it was taken with my cell phone with weird lighting in the bathroom.







And no, losing weight did not turn me orange. Stupid camera.

So, I've been trying to get a few things done recently, and I'm making pretty good progress. So I'm sharing it with all of you. If the text has no strikethrough or italics, it means I still have to get a good start on it. Text with strikethrough means I have completed and am still sticking to it. Font with italics means I have started but not made enough progress to feel "accomplished."

1) Find a good Metro Park in the Akron Area

2) Ride my bicycle for 1/2 hour a day (average)

3) Walk for 1/2 hour a day (average)

4) Cut out High Fructose Corn Syrup

5) Clean House

6) Call UA after asking JP to fax in docs

7) Call 5th/3rd Bank and figure out how to create online account

8) Update resume to reflect transmittals, specifications, proposals and 95 WPM!

9) Make up for weekend lull/lack of exercise over the past few days

10) Get basketball & other eq for some fun sports activities

11) Wake up earlier on average

12) Research more on Access and accounting in offices

13) New clothes & shoes with a more formal, clean look

14) New haircut!

15) Quit beating myself up about my lack of progress over the past few days